Saturday, January 15, 2011

January - Winter 2011



Wisdom of the Sages

Episode I

January – Winter 2011

Hello People of the World;

So, here we are with yet another year past and yet nothing really to show for it. Does that mean existence is nothing but the slow march of time with every choice a consequence meaning nothing? Or is it a void that is only filled by our meaningless activities of daily living that comes to nothing in the end as we realized our mortality means nothing in the stream of time that appears perpetual?

Or maybe I just need a watch.

Here is another new year, another chance to make the same mistakes. Or better your environs. I hope this New Year finds you ahead of the game of life instead of bitching about how life is unfair. Please, leave that to me…

Let’s get started, shall we?

1:[ First Item of the Month: “The Happening” is happening!

Does this mean that me standing around, eyes flitting bewilderingly with a goofy, dumb guy look on my face will actually come in handy now?

In other science news (A’ cause I’m smart like that):

NASA plans to probe Uranus. Seriously!

Lightning produces Antimatter! I want a flying superpower out of this! I'm standing under a tree wearing a hubcap during the next lightning storm.

34,000-Year-Old organisms found still alive!! And it's not who you think it is!!

2:[ Here for your consideration is my annual “Best of 2010 Stuff” lists that I do every year. That way you don’t have to talk to me at all about this stuff. It beats getting to know me, right?

3:[ My alarm clock of late, has been acting wonky. Lately, I’ve been waking up late because my clock radio has not been going off. First time it happened I simply turned down the volume when I vacuumed the place: simple, dumb, single guy mistake. But this last time I remember waking up to Billy Idol’s “Sweet Sixteen” a song I hasn’t heard in centuries, man.

In between static-y squawks, Billy’s dulcet tones crooned for a rocking chair. Usually, I have my radio alarm tuned to the “fine” music station so it plays classical music when I wake up. (I remember one time I woke up to “The Imperial March” and a show dedicated to John Williams.) The reason I started this is a long story. But the reason I continue it are twofold.

1) The Snooze Button-Beeper vs. Radio: When I set the alarm for the beeper and I hit the Snooze Button, it turns on again in about 10 minutes, standard. But one day I felt like really sleeping in and kept hitting it. It turns out that it goes off again in increasingly shorter spans, 9 minutes, 8 minutes, 7, until it simply does not shut off. I don’t know if all alarm clocks work this way, but mine does.

When I have it tuned to the radio, the Snooze Button has a 9-minute span. Why 9? Because it’s almost 10, I guess. But this accounts for my weird wake up time settings. I factor in a 9-minute snooze into my alarm….

2) The classical music station always reminds me of my first ever visit to Chicago. I stay with my brother Joey and he had this one all day. So, incense, cigar boxes and WFMT always remind me of my bro and my first time in Chicago.

I love that clock, it was a gift bought by my mom.

4:[ I was told one time when I arrived for work, “You’ll never guess who’s here!”

To which I answered, “So, there’s no point in guessing then.”

And I went right in to work….

5:[ Overheard in the Coffee Shop: A continuing series:

I am a pretty good listener. I hear things. I pay attention. Some things you cannot help but overhear, especially in a coffee shop. There are just people in the world that seem to be intent on making sure everyone in the place knows they are talking about something “intelligent”. So, they talk about stuff as loudly as politely possible.

So I happened to catch a table nearby a College Professor and possibly one of his students at the Barnes & Noble. The student could well have been his daughter as they did look alike but they talked mainly about papers he’s graded and how he’s helped young ladies into publishing. He talked ad nausea about all the things he’s done and the student would throw in a comment here and there but mostly they guy wouldn’t shut up. Then, he asks about her projects and while she talks about movies and theater stuff he never listens to her. She gets the “uh-huh’s” and “oh yeah’s” but he never looked at her. Not once. Weird.

While in another coffee shop I noticed how much the baristas were complaining about how a customer was very specific and adamant about his order. It was as if they kept complaining about it to each other it would somehow change the past and the overbearing customer would suddenly vanish so they would not have to had to deal with him… Sheesh.

6:[ Okay, I see that I have a horoscope function on my My Yahoo page. After looking at it off and on for at least 7 years I finally figured out that my horoscope thinks I’m a woman after it suggest I buy that outrageous black mini dress as part of my New Year’s Makeover/Resolution Dealie-yo.

Funny, I never took myself for a black mini dress sort.

But I bought one anyway….

7:[ And now Wisdom of the Sages presents:

An Ever-growing List of Things That MUST Stop!

+ People walking out into the streets into traffic! If you are dumb enough to walk out into on-coming traffic in the middle of the block, don’t complain when you finally get tapped, okay? And don’t walk across all cool and slow like the cars are magically going to stop or slow over your attitude about getting hit by on-coming traffic…

+ Zombies, again… really, dudes, can we come up with something else?

+ Cartoony catch phrasing masked as Oscar-baiting performances… ‘Nuff said.

+ Star Wars DVD releases. As much of a fan I am of these movies, there needs to be only one definitive version that comes out, ONCE…

+ People that bitch and moan about something they cannot change… Really, talking and complaining about something we cannot change as if that will magically make everything okay again. We need to grow up and get over it so we can deal with the situation as it is now. We cannot work going backwards people. Come on! Now, forget about that spill and get me my damn coffee!

8:[ I don’t know if I told y’all this before, but I’ve taken to drinking my milk from a bowl. You know like after you eat your cereal? Not like a cat. I dunno. I’ve known that some folk drink their coffee from a saucer. But for some reason I enjoy drinking my milk from a cereal bowl. It makes dunking Oreos and fig bars much easier. Of late, I have wanted to drink more milk. I love milk. I still drink it but for some reason I’d only buy it and drink it with cereal. One day without thinking I poured a bowl and drank out of it instead of grabbing a cup. Still do. I guess I’m just goofy like that…

9:[ From the “This Just In” Department: I guess the Zodiac has shifted due to earth’s wobbling, meaning the dates for every sign has changed. You may not be the sign you thought you were all these years. So, if you had a cool sounding sign and you get all crybaby ‘cause now you have to change it… (I am no longer a Sagittarius, but now I’m an Ophiuchus, weird.) just do what I do, say “F*ck it. It’s only the zodiac.” I mean, come on people, as if the zodiac could predict anything…

10:[ Last Item of the Month: Right now I am getting over a cold as I type and post this. This is maybe the third time I’ve been sick this winter season. I have noticed that I am getting sick more often. In the previous 10 years or so I’d get sick maybe once a winter season. Now, I’ve been sick at least three times. I guess I’m just getting older. I can deal with that fact I suppose. It’s time to putting the teddy bear and video games away, huh?

That will do it for this month. So far this year hasn’t been that tough. (Seems I spoke too soon with the craziness and finger pointing over the events in Arizona) I guess now it seems like business as usual. Don’t let all that get you down folk.

This month I’ll ask for readers to find an item they agree with and comment on how you agree with them. Because I ask the reader to disagree or disprove or be contrary to my opinion but it seems that the readers either don’t disagree with me, or they are to afraid to put their opinion in words. I am only trying to incite discussion people. Besides, I am not that smart enough to begin with.

Until Next Time, “I try to show the schemers how pathetic their attempts to control everything really are.”


© 2011 Ernest M. Whiteman III