Hello People of the World;
It’s spring! Yay! Wait, what? SNOW?!?! OMG!
Weather! People are always saying that the weather is “Acting crazy!” No it’s
not, it’s acting like weather! Sheesh…
And since we are talking nonsense, let’s dispel
some right now: it’s nothing but the earth’s shadow folks… That’s it. It’s not
magic, it’s not an omen, it’s not a signal for uprising. The Earth sometimes
moves in front of the sun blocking light to the moon. It’s a shadow. Light
refracts in the Earth’s atmosphere making appear red. That’s all. Put those
banners down, you’ll hurt yourself safely marching a thousand miles away from
the actual problem….
Let’s get this edition started, shall we?
1:[ First
Item of the Month:
Can some one explain to me what the term “…doing myself a disservice” means in a
way that does not make you sound like an egotistical, greedy asshole?
2:[ My Truthfulness Stuffs:
My Useless Self: Ego &
Women
I’ll admit it. I am still egotistical enough to
think that women are attracted to me. Despite all the empirical evidence to the
contrary. But I have to face facts that I am beyond repair and will have to be
content with things as they are. Sure, I notice beautiful women all the time. I
also never assume that they find me any kind of handsome, but that tiny
egotistical part of me will always think, “Yeah, I still got it.”
But the hard truth is I have never had “it”. Most
of my life I have been told in no-uncertain terms, just what women think of me.
Pretty much all the women I have pursued have shut me down. So now, I can live
with it. I am old, fat and ugly. Basically. Which would be the Loser Trifecta
if I weren’t also Poor too. Honestly, I think I talk about myself waaay too
much. Still, I can recognize beauty in a woman. In fact, I prefer the company
of women. I think they have a lot more to say and they tend to think deeper on
issues. But that’s just me. I am a strange man.
No, do not think this a ‘feel sorry for me’ piece.
It isn’t. I am now simply in the habit of dealing with reality. Not some stupid
“Don’t Worry Be Happy” bullsh*t that is so contrary to a “Balanced Life” it
makes me puke. I am simply living with my situation, realistically. I am done
with marriage. (One and done, that’s me) I am sure to never have natural
children. But, I am at peace with it. I have my Bonnie and my Char and my
friends and family. That is enough.
But there is still that tiny, tiny part of me that
is always, “Hey, what’s up?” How egotistical is that?
Updates from my other Truthfulness Projects:
+ NAMELESS: The Authentic and Magical Ledger Art of EW3
A Treatise on
American Indian Art
“All you care
about is money. This city deserves a better class of artist. And I’m going to
give it to them.”
“Why can’t I just make art for myself?” this
student asked.
“Oh child,” I began, “I will not lie to you. No
artist, ever, makes art for them selves. If they did there would be no museums,
no exhibits, no stage plays, no movie theaters, or concerts or operas, or
festivals, no radio or iTunes, no bookstores or libraries. We would all be
artistic hoarders creating and keeping….
“The dirty little secret of Art is, that it all
is for an audience. Why do you think every artist puts out the same sh*t over
and over? So audiences will recognize it and buy it. Bansky cannot do anything
else. No one would buy from him if he did something different. He’s a
corporation now. So every time you see a feather or a tipi in an art piece, you
know it was made for an audience.
“Come to think of it. How sadomasochistic is art?
‘I have the message that we Natives need to speak for ourselves right here but
you won’t get it because you need to jump through these hoops to get it. You
need to pay me money. You want expertise? You pay me for my tipi drawings to
get it!’…
“Alternately, how masochistic is art? ‘I guess I
could pay your fees for that ledger drawing so you can “support your family”
but you need to jump through my hoops first by drawing Indian heads on
it. I don’t have enough pictures of Sitting Bull’s head on some cartoon’s body
in my new adobe home to make me look enlightened. So get to work Chachi, or
I’ll buy that Yoda in headdress from the next “New” Native Artist sitting at
their table on the Indian Art Market Reservation. They’ll be more that happy
enough to jump through my hoops for cash because that endorses their artistry
and me, my expertise.
“’Because the more you sell, the better artist you
are. Right? So, paint, Skippy, paint! Do your dance, your rap, play your flute
for the cash in my pocket, because you love it. You love the humiliation of it
because you are the victim here. That’s right, I owe you. I owe you this cash
in my pocket, because: colonialism. Do it or I’ll buy that painted skateboard
from the Native sell-out at the next table…’
“So, sorry child. You will make it for an audience.
That is the greatest hypocrisy in Art. The instant you think your sh*t’s good
enough to be paid for, you sold out. You’re making a commercial. It’s okay.
Because don’t you see? In the end, it’s all collectable coffee mugs.”
The student did not cry or get mad. The student
nodded its head and shrugged.
“Thank you for being honest. Maybe I’ll just
concentrate on getting my message out there then.”
To quote the great man, ‘It’s not about money. It’s about sending a message…’.
+ The Five Six SEVEN Hypocrisies of Native America:
(Because Seven is a sacred
number)
I will not even THINK about supporting another
Native’s photography project until I am personally involved somehow. Only then,
when I am involved, will I post THE SH*T OUT OF IT on Facebook!
Because: ME!
NEXT MONTH’S TRUTHFULNESS:
Ego and _____?
Let me know what I should
cover next in my series on Truthfulness.
3:[ More MOVIE TIME ADVENTURES: I have not been to the theater to see a
movie since December of last year! Really. Nothing really seems to be jumping
out at me to see. Being broke doesn’t help either. I am just waiting on
something that will catch my interest that I am able to got to and see. So far:
nada. I haven’t even seen the LEGO Movie.
+ But I have been able to see The Grandmaster on
DVD! I have the International edition and I think it adds something to the
story. But I prefer the US Edition. I know! GASP! A MAJOR Film School Sin!
“Never like the US cut of a movie, dude. Or you suck….” Still, the US Edition
contains a small scene not in the International cut and this scene brings a
tear to my eye every time. Plus, that ending, where Yip Man addresses the
audience? Awesome. I suggest you check it out….
+ HAMLET Update: We got another scene IN THE CAN! We
were able to shoot the scene of Fortinbras’ arrival into the story. It was cold
and snowy but we pushed on thanks to our great crew and cast. You can go here
to see what we are up to with HAMLET. We are also locking down some really
cool, really prestigious locations for our summer/fall shooting schedule. I
will tell you more in next month’s edition. In some bad news, “Two Scenes from
HAMLET’ was not selected by the Tribeca Short Films Program for screening. We
will try to send it to Toronto International and other festivals after we get a
better sound mix on it. But not Sundance, fuck Sundance, those exploitative
m*therf*ckers….
4:[ If there are grievous sins
that media and the Internet has to account for, it is these:
Television introduced the idea that we all need
some kind of drama in our lives where there should never be any.
YouTube has reduced our attention spans to ten
minutes, or less.
Wikipedia has allowed us to take information from
dubious sources at face value. 98% of your peers are as dumb as you. Remember
that.
Worst yet, the most terrible sin: the Internet has
allowed us to turn our ineptitudes into successes without the least bit of
effort on our part….
I mean it has allowed us to put no real effort in
succeeding. All we really have to do is fall down funny to get as many views as
possible. People of talent always have to make it a struggle. No short cuts.
But the Internet has reduced us to being the clowns in our own bread and
circuses, distracting ourselves with our quests for instant fame and never
really allowing us to see the realities that are happening all around us.
Instead, we are giving credence to shitty movies,
the same-sounding music, our deepest thoughts reduced to 140 characters, our
researches into fact nothing more than a mouse click to a webpage and no
further….
Slowly, we are whittling away our sense of selves
and replacing them with selfies….
5:[ Ah yes, settle in Dear
Readers for more of:
Adventures in
the Coffee Shop and/or on the CTA!
+ I noticed how blithely we are in brushing crumbs
off the table. I mean, I try to brush them into a napkin and throw it in the
garbage but most people I see in the shop, who look as if they keep themselves
very tidy, have no problem whatsoever in just brushing crumbs off the table
onto the floor. I can hear you know, but the staff/baristas are supposed to
wipe that shit off. Of course they are, but they are stuck making that super
complex drink that is just another way of ingesting coffee for you or you’d
fucking crybaby about slow service. What privilege they must enjoy to just wipe
them onto the floor and let the help handle the crumbs….
+ I do my best to let people who have been waiting
for a bus longer than I have to get on first. I naturally, let ladies go first
as well. But, I have had some experience in this regard, I noticed that most el
train riders are like cockroaches. They scatter once the door opens and head
for any open seat, pushing past you even though you may be the first to get on.
It is cockroach like if you have ever trapped one of those buggers, they always
make for the nearest exit, no thought, just instinct. Just like the morning
Purple Line riders….
+ I was coming home on the bus from this skeptic
event after stuffing myself with free pizza and a sh*t-ton of cookies when at
one of the stops a bunch of Cubs Fans on get the bus. I could see one downing
his tallboy before he got on and another trying to balance his open container
in his pocket before HE got on. But the requisite dumpy, fat guy of the bunch
was already hammered, so much so, that he was swaying in hi stance. At one
point, he was even knocked on his feet by the simple acceleration of the bus.
Prompting one of the riders to note “Cubs Season has begun.”
He then just sits on the floor blocking the rear
door, lolling his head and slumping one way or another. One of the other
jackasses, tries to down his beer but the bus driver stops the bus and yells,
“I can smell that alcohol. If you keep drinking I’m going to call the cops and
make this bus really late while they escort you off.”
Then, she just went back to driving again. These
privileged douchebags just laugh at each other and high-five like they got away
with something. They talked too loud and bothered every passenger that was even
near them but no one did anything. I mean, if they were someone other than
“white dudes in Cubs jerseys” they would not have even been allowed on the bus.
The cops would have been called instantly. Don’t even get started on if they
were Native.
Why does the rules apply to everyone else but them?
I always say, if you want to cure alcoholism on every reservation in every
state, just put a Cubs cap on all the Indians in the bars, because then, they
are simply “having a good time watchin’ da Cubs”….
6:[ I am not saying that some
franchises are cheap… But, I must say that the Easter colors look remarkably
like Christmas colors and all the Easter Egg graphics on boxes and such look
suspiciously like Christmas tree bulbs….
7:[ And now Wisdom of the
Sages presents:
“An Ever-growing List of Things That MUST Stop!”
+ Remember: Sanctimony is bad for the digestion….
+ You know, most drivers are d*cks. Not you! Most,
I’m saying. Of course, not you. But many drivers are just plain d*cks….
But when I am waiting for a bus, I see that they
are always texting, so much they never take the turn at the stoplights or they
zoom past pedestrians in the street without regard. Other times they just speed
by never letting in cars that are at STOP signs because: they are needed right
away! Worse is when they are absolutely ignoring the Right-Of-Way for
pedestrians. Most walkers aren’t even past the middle of the street before they
hit the gas!
Do even get me started on how they treat
Bicyclists: in every case brought against driver that purposely ran down
cyclists, they we never charged. Ever. So of course cyclist have to be dicks
themselves. THAT IS THE ONLY WAY THEY GET THE DRIVER’S ATTENTION! What pains me
most is the nonchalance drivers have towards bikers, blaring their horns at
them because: they are needed right away.
What does saddened me most is that one of my good
friends, best friends really, has that same attitude. This person labels
himself a pacifist, yet when I told him that the cases were thrown out against
those drivers that ran down cyclists, he uttered, “That’s good to know.”
I know, he was probably joking, but the sheer
hypocrisy of the statement shook me.
Drivers can be real d*cks sometimes. But, not you….
8:[ So, does the fact that
Bill Cosby was also accused of sexual assault exonerate Woody Allen of child
abuse accusations and Roman Polanski of his statutory rape conviction? Well,
according to every body… it TOOOOOOOOOOOH-dally does.
You know, because: movies….
9:[ From the “This Just In” Department: I am more
than a little disappointed that Rifftrax is riffing “Sharkado”. I guess I
finally reached my Old Man Phase. I mean, I never bought into the whole “It’s
so bad, it’s good” bullshit. A shitty movie is a shitty movie and if you think something
that is purposely made bad is supposed to be something, then you my friend, are
a fucking dupe. Sorry. You bought into their buffoonery and patted yourself on
the back because “You GOT IT.”
Rifftrax was on a pretty solid run until those
hipster douche bags they call co-writers talked them into “Sharknado”. I hate
that we have suddenly began to elevate shitty movies like this. Like we are so
much smarter that we recognize a shitty movie. It is like trying to pass
yourself off as something cool because you buy local coffee or some nonsense
like that. Now, filmmakers don’t even have to try to make something great as
long as the “cool kids” can make their crappy movie into a hit by bashing it or
riffing it. There is no effort there. You give these stupid movies some sort of
validation when you buy into that crap. I always say and tell people “Film Isn’t
Art”, at least, not any more and this travesty proves me out once again.
10:[ Last Item of the Month: Dolphin-Human Translator
So, according to THIS ARTICLE, scientists are
getting closer to a Dolphin-Human Translator. They have been testing it in the
wild and found a success in what they thought was a dolphin pointing out some
seaweed to a bunch of people following around a dolphin in a boat. What if we
really do perfect a Dolphin-Human Translator? What would a dolphin say?
Maybe “Stop f*cking following me, man! Get out of
here! Shoo! SHHHHHHT! Go on! Git! Golaydown!”
I mean, wouldn’t they be treating us like dogs? What
about dolphins in captivity, oops, I mean, being studied at aquariums?
“HELLP! Please,
you gotta help me! You gotta get me the f*ck out of here! PLEASE! Why would you
do this to us?! Please… let us go… We’ve jump through your hoops, please, I
just want to see my family again…. Let us go, please…. Let us go…. We’ve done
what you asked… please…”
Hmm, maybe a Dolphin-Human is a bad idea after all….
That will do it for this month.
I know, pretty light on the awesome here but I have
been running around shooting and scouting locations for HAMLET, setting up the
Spring Edition of the First Nations Film and Video Festival as well as working
my job with Adobe Youth Voices, producing a promotional reel for our program. I
am also writing, drawing, prepping to teach again at the University of
Wisconsin and just goofing off playing video games. Again, feel free to
comment, correct or contradict anything you read here. If it makes you feel
better. Besides, why should I get the last word on anything? Unless you think I’m
right.
Okay, I can accept that.
Until Next Time, “I try to show the schemers how
pathetic their attempts to control everything really are.”
2014 Ernest M. Whiteman III
